FUNNY THURSDAY

The following are metaphors found in
Year 12 English essays:

 

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch
tree.

The little boat gently drifted across
the pond exactly the way a bowling ball
wouldn't.

John and Mary had never met. They were
like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.

Even in his last years, Grandad had a
mind like a steel trap, only one that
had been left out so long, it had
rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my
brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look,
the kind you get from not eating for
a while.

The ballerina rose gracefully en 
pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire
hydrant.

She walked into my office like a
centipede with 98 missing legs.

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FUNNY POEM OF THE WEEK

Note: A French accent may or may not help

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Le BANKER HEUREUSE (THE HAPPY BANKER)
       by
 Roger Wooller

I'm happy just because I'm going banking,
I'm putting all my money in "la bonk".
I was feeling sad and very slightly wonky
because my only option was to wonk.

But now I've met a girl who feels the same way.
She loves it... going banking too.
I took her banking out along the tramway,
we banked together in the Melbourne Zoo.

I asked her if my card was to my credit,
she said "Why don't you slip it in and see?"
I found the slot and tenderly I fed it
into the bank - "I like accountancee!"

Oh wow! I think my bank account is bigger.
Does all this overbanking make it so?
My girl seems to have modified her figure,
her assets - they have just begun to grow. Mon Dieu!

Monetary joy is momentary, the bliss
of mounting figures is a ghost.
For now upon the morning I must marry
and pay int'rest on what int'rests me the most.